Because
by Slightly Sinister Sinestra
Summary: Because ideas for Saiyuki oneshots pop into my head, I've decided to start a collection of them. Multiple pairings, ratings and ideas. Enjoy.
1. Hair

It's short, it rambles and it is completely pointless. I don't know whay I felt compelled to write this ... I just did. Well, anyhow, R&R? Pretty please with chocolate flakes on top?

Disclaimer: Emmm ... no. I definatly don't own. If I did, I wouldn't be sitting here writing fanfiction, now would I?

**Because:**

Hair

_Because Hakkai loves what Gojyo tries not to hate_

Hakkai had always loved Gojyo's hair. The overlong, slightly messy, yet very well-cared for mop of crimson that cascaded down around his face and back. It ... should have looked wrong. It shouldn't have looked so right that a person who'd spent half his life hating his hair should wear it so long. It did though. It looked perfect. And God knew not much about Gojyo was perfect, or so the Hanyou seemed to think.

A small character trait that Hakkai hated about the other man. This constant belief that he could never be good enough for anyone. All the one night stands with women that Gojyo never learned the names off, all one big facade. A way to make himself feel wanted. A way to touch someone and never have to allow that person to know him.

Gojyo never felt wanted, Hakkai had realised that a long time ago. Not once in his years living, fighting and starving on the streets, had the redhead felt wanted. Not once had he felt loved.

Sometimes, Hakkai hated the faceless brother Gojyo had let slip about for leaving the young man in such a state. If this 'brother' had loved the man enough to save his life, then why leave him to face the many horrors the world presented for a 'child of Taboo' alone. Why ...

Something Gojyo never had explained. Something Hakkai wasn't even sure Gojyo knew. Maybe if he did know, the nightmares wouldn't be so frightening. If he knew why his brother abandoned him after saving his life, why his mother had tried so hard to hurt and kill him, maybe the hurt wouldn't be so much. Maybe the gut wrenching guilt wouldn't be so all consuming.

Guilt. Something Hakkai understood all to well. Yet, while he hid behind his smile, and quiet motherly patter, Gojyo didn't bother. Hakkai threw up every defence imaginable against the pain and the guilt. He built the walls so strong and so tall, the only hurt that truely threatened to consume him was locked safe in a box underneath his heart. The key was placed somewhere so safe only intense searching could find it.

Gojyo, the only thing he hid in was his hair, allowing the flaming tresses to cover both his cheeks at all times. The rest, the self destruct Gojyo always seemed to be on, that was the only other defense he knew. Make it all seem small, and it might all go away.

Yet, Hakkai still loved Gojyo's hair. When it tickled his cheek as he wrenched the half empty class from the other man's clutching fingers. When it slipped through his fingers as he tried his best to hold it back when Gojyo had gone one drink to far. When it hid Gojyo's face completely on those rare occasions Gojyo had to bully himself into not crying. When Hakkai had his face buried in it on those even rarer occasions he'd held Gojyo through the night.

It was ... a defense and a tormenter all in one. The only thing that truely told of the weakness, and the incredible strenght Gojyo possesed. Hakkai loved it, while part of him still hated the pain it symbolised.

He sighed again, so softly the Gojyo jerked as the gush of breath tickled his cheek. Hakkai smiled, and fiddled gently with the crimson strands that played across his chest and neck, willing Gojyo back to sleep.

A soft sigh told him that this endevour had been successful, though it still shook him to hear Gojyo whisper:

"I didn't mean to, mom ... I'm sorry ..."

_It's alright, Gojyo ... It never was your fault anyway ..._

xXx

Well, anything I need to improve on? If it seemed a wee bit rushed towards the end, then I do apologise. Well, I don't really know about Hakkai/Gojyo. I started off hating it, but it kinda grew on me. So, this is what you get when I get hooked on something. Drop a review on the way out, yeah?


	2. Family

Second shot. Dokugakuji's thoughts. That's really it, so just R&R, pretty pretty please?

Disclaimer: Um ... nope. Nope, it ain't mine.

**Because:**

Family

_Because Kougaji has what Dokugakuji wants_

It's always funny to watch Kou be the older brother. Watch him protect his little sister as best he can, however it may embaress him in front of others. Dokugakuji assumes it's because he has to make his little sister fell like she belongs. He has to make her feel safe and wanted in his company.

It's funny to watch the kind little smiles, and the way Kou's eyes always soften when she comes bounding through the door, full of energy and constant laughter. The way he can't help ruffling her hair while trying to scold her. The way his worry for her makes him angry, but in a good way.

Dokugakuji sometimes wishes that he'd had the chance to do that. Back when things were both terrible and good at the same time. He wishes that, maybe, he could've had the chance to make his own little brother cry.

He also wishes that one day that isn't going to sound so sadistic.

He wants it to have panned out like it did with Kou. He wants it to be so he had fun with his little brother without a constant shadow hanging over their heads.

He can't even lie to himself, anymore. Kou had it just as hard as he did, with the crazy bitch manipulating everyone and everything. It isn't an excuse to say his mother distroyed everything. Kou kept his relationship close with his little sister, and hasn't let go of her yet, through all of that. Dokugakuji spent years wondering how his kid brother would survive in a world that was intent on distroying him.

Every day, he has watches Kou and his little sister laugh as best they can, in the ruins of their lives, and he wonders how it can all have gone so right for them, and so wrong for him.

Kou's little sister is only his half sister, born of a different mother. Like Dokugakuji's own little brother. Kou is just so much better at this then he is. So much better at holding together what there is barely enough of.

That is why he has sworn himself into Kou's service. To watch them, together, and to hope that Kou will unknowingly patch the pieces of his ragged past together with his worried, loving smiles.

That way, he knows that if and when he sees his own little brother again, he knows that though everything went wrong, they made it through alright.

xXx

Well? Well? Do review, pretty please?


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